when angels deserve to die]

HIT COUNTER

Friday, August 26, 2005

this is the story of sarah:

as a little girl she thought she was very smart. she liked to pretend to be older than she really was because it made her feel even smarter. sarah enjoyed the attention she got because it made her feel important. she thought being smart was the only thing that ever mattered. she loved to show off, and she didn't care when people thought she was proud. she hated competition, it threatened her greatly. being smart was the only thing she really had. then one day she realized maybe she never had it after all.

this is the story of ellen:

she was the prettiest little girl they've ever seen, they had told her. and so she believed them. ellen loved dressing up, she lived most of each day with her head inside her mother's closet. when she tried on her mother's clothings she mismatched every piece of them, but still she felt beautiful. it doesn't matter what clothes i wear, she remember thinking, because i'm the prettiest girl there had ever been.

this is not the story.

the past week was the worst week of my life.
you were there with me all the while, and i was on my own.

8:11 PM
Monday, August 22, 2005

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong

Hope, dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her but
She always belonged to someone else

Oh, look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone. Oh well, it seems like such fun, until you lose what you had won.
Everytime I try to fly, I fall without my wings, I feel so small, I guess I need you baby.
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing, I am captivated, I am vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right, swear I knew it all along. And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself.
But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you, and so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know: I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new, and the reason is you.
I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door. I've had you so many times but somehow I want more.

give me back my point of view 'cause i just can't think for you i can hardly hear you say what should i do well you choose and everytime i see you in my dreams i see your face it's haunting me i guess i need you baby so clear like the diamond in your ring cut to mirror your intention oversized and overwhelmed the shine of which has caught my eye and rendered me i'm sorry that i hurt you it's something i must live with everyday and all the pain i put you through i wish that i could take it all away and be the one who catches all your tears i don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain look for the girl with the broken smile ask her if she wants to stay awhile and she will be loved

youve made a fool of everyone at night i pray that soon you will fade away so let me slip away the reason is you please dont try so hard to say goodbye

memoriesstaybuttheybecomeblurrerandblurreruntilyoucanttellwhattheyare

it doesn't matter anymore.

7:39 PM
Sunday, August 21, 2005

haha ok so i haven't blogged for more than a month! (: that's a new record! -applause- right, anyway, i'm blogging again! (:

ok i have a bio test the coming week and eng and math on week 10 and physics and ss on week 1 and therefore i think the school system is not very nice. o and they still haven't given us the chem pt, which is supposedly due on week 1 too.

this year has passed fast alright. i don't remember half of last year passing as fast. first came the nationals, which in my opinion, flashed by before i even realized it was here. and the many tests and pts, they came like the pouring rain (more like a thunderstorm, actually), and went away as quickly as they had arrived. i don't remember what happened to them exactly anyhow.

and then, poof, it the eoys. in about...two months' time. it'll probably be over before i have time to study for them. haha i'm like, a biker on the expressway. the cars pass me by so fast it seems like i'm not moving at all. but who cares anyway, i eventually end up in the same place as all of them. and those who reach there first have to wait for me before they can move on. that's the way it works! (:

ok i sound so happy and high. well i think i have a fever. ):

tomorrow's a holiday! (: that cheers me up a bit.

8:50 PM